Friday, October 9, 2009

Grief Suspended

Blogging stopped a while back while my father faced his final illnesses. He left us on June 1. If you read this, please join me in praying for the repose of his soul.

During June, we were raw with sadness, and worry over how our mom was taking this loss. There were so many things to do to reorganize her financial matters. In July we began to return to a new normalcy. Then in August, mom got sick, right before her only grand-daughter's wedding. Some adjustments to her heart medication, and she was fine, and managed to enjoy the wedding day without Dad by her side. Two days later she was back in the hospital with congestive heart failure. She pulled through. Two weeks ago, our phone rang at 3:30 AM. She was in the emergency room after falling in the hallway of her home. Hip fracture, but it did not need a total hip replacement. Surgery two days later went fine. Unfortunately, anesthesia and pain meds do a number on an 84 year old mind. We had about nine days of worry because she was delusional and paranoid. Thank God, she is back in her right mind and doing well in her rehab, progressing well towards getting back on her feet. Sometimes she cries and says she thinks she hears Dad calling her, or she dreams that he is lost and sad because he can't find her.

Because of all these other illnesses, I have pushed grief far away, I feel as if it's grief on hold, that I will have to return to this again and process it fully.

I don't know if I will blog much, because I feel more of a pull to engage in real life right now after a long day working at my computer, and absolutely no urge to stay up late and think up blog posts.